Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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