I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
