There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
