I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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