Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
