Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
