halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
