Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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