You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
