i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
