saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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