Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
