Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
