Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
