i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
