he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All the doctor said was why
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
