I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
