You really coming over, don't trick.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
