Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
