stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want to fling myself into the sun
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
