Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
