hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
