oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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