When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
