So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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