glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
