if you like me you must not know who I am
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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