well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
