so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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