So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
