I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
