She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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