if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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