ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
