I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
