Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
