$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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