Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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