Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Do you have a shampoo for semen

(604): View more from British Columbia

Or a time machine

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.

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(585): View more from New York

you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated

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(856): View more from New Jersey

So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.

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(518): View more from New York

All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

(301): View more from Maryland

OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

(518): View more from New York

Doritoesssssss

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

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(719): View more from Colorado

My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.

(210): View more from Texas

But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!

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(804): View more from Virginia

Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love

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