i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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