I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
