i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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