"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
