yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
