Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
