shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
