Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
