Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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