my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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