i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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