If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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