She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
