i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
