I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
