i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
