How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
